ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
