i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
