her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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