When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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