ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
