dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize