Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
