then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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