You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
