when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize