I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
