Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
