I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
