So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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