I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
