I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
