i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.