He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.