I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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