He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
