our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize