So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
