He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
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The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
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In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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