I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
