dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
