Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
