This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
