I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
