On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
