Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
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Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
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Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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