This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
