I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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