I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
