the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Too much gin, very little bucket
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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