Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
