Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
