I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
