OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Sober January is a disaster.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you inspire me to be a worse person
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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