I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
