If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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