there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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