woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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