This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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