The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
