I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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