I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
