Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
