Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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