yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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