Your face is a jimmy john
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
