wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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