Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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