her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
