My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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