So drunk its hurt
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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