Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize