my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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