matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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