i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
