im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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