i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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