True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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