Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
