The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
