You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
