Got a toothbrush?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
