my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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