I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
