i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
