I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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