remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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