we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
