So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Where is the hickey?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
