that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
