ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Every concussion has its silver lining
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
