Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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